This is for me!Go Home

Thoughts about WHY I wanted to have surgery to lose weight.

21 Mar 2003
12:00

This is for me…. All the reading, researching, testing,.. and the explanations to friends and family… all of this has just been part of making this happen for me. For me. I think the most selfish thing I’ve ever fought so hard for in my whole life. No more using the money for bills.. for car repairs.. no more looking at all the things everyone else needs.. no more pushing myself back to last place because I feel a responsibility to take care of everyone else first. Nope… this time.. this time is for me.

This time it’s going to be me… not just the hundreds of people I’ve met in real life and online who have had their “rebirth” day as they call it… the day when their whole life changed from having this surgery. The surgery which changed them from being the scorned of society to being a part of it, without anyone even noticing them… just a normal faceless person in a crowd.. not the one standing out because of their size. This time.. it’s gong to be my new life.. my new start. my chance to be normal. My chance to be the person I was before.. before I had to hide myself away inside myself just to protect me.

It’s my time… to be given a heavy duty tool to break myself out of me.. and damn some people who helped put me there better beware cuz I’m gonna kick their ass if they dare hurt me again. Going to tell them to get fucked with their comments.. or even their praise if they give it. This is for me, when my brothers and sisters look at me it wont be with pity.. and for once the baby sister doesn’t need their approval and screw them for thinking I can’t do anything right.

I’m scared.. I’m excited.

This is for me… to liberate me from the life I’ve trapped myself in. The life I’ve given up on so many times.. the life I’ve settle for because I thought it was better then other options..the life I’ve often liked to escape from forever… but I failed that.. so now fate has given me a bulldozer, time to re-terraform my life.

Scared.. the unknown is always so scary.. but one can try to at least check the probability rates.. and this unknown looks like it will be pretty predictably good. Always a chance that it doesn’t change anything at all.. or even a chance that I could die.. but we all have to at some point eh? Heck…. If I do.. then at least I’ll have succeeded finally in doing SOMETHING right. Hehehee….

I’m doing this for me…. And as selfish as I feel it is…. I know it will also let me do and give myself to my family.. kids.. friends.. everyone in so many better ways then I can now. Soooo many things I want to do… so many ordinary things.. I was going to start a list.. where is that list? Mmm… gotta get to it…. Gonna be a LONG list.