Behavior Modification or discipline
<This, like many others of my writings, are from *assignments* given to me. The person being addressed being a Master.>
With an
insatiable desire for attention, I know as well as most submissives that it can
be gotten by either good or bad behavior. Sometimes I may not be consciously
trying to get it by behaving badly or by pushing the limits of a dom, but I’m
sure it happens. Sometimes I think I push intentionally to see where the person
who says they are dominant will take a stand. If I can push too much then I
think they are too lenient, if I can’t push at all then I think they’re too
strict and uncaring about my true feelings. So somewhere there is a middle
ground where I find myself willing to please and to try to achieve good behavior
to gain that Dominants interest. I know I tease too much sometimes, which on
occasion has had its repercussions of me being disciplined for it. Generally I
know when I’m getting out of hand, sometimes I can stop myself, sometimes I
can’t until it’s too late. What
makes a hand slapping my cheek be a behavior check, one that makes me melt
inside and feel guilty as well for misbehaving, different from an angry spouse
slapping my face; Intent and purpose.
Maybe
the best way to start clarification of punishment, discipline, and abuse is to
define the purposes and goals of each. Behavior modification can be achieved
through positive or negative reinforcement. That reinforcement can come in
physical, mental or emotional punishments and/or rewards.
Punishment to me is the consequence of doing something that breaks a rule
or set of rules. Discipline is a continued application of punishments and
rewards to change or maintain a certain behavior. Of course, these are my
definitions, and I’ve found that many people have their own definitions for
the same words.
Physical
punishments would be, to me, things such as spankings or made to do something I
don’t like doing, maybe exercise. For the most part I consider physical
punishment to not be very effective on me.
I can only recall being spanked twice as a punishment. The first was a
long time ago, and I don’t even remember why I was being punished. I only
remember I was beat with a cane three or four times. The pain was intense; there
was no mistaking it for pleasure. I cried instantly, and felt very angry because
it did hurt so much. Perhaps I felt it was more punishment then the crime, maybe
that’s why it sticks in my mind, but I’m not sure. The second time I recall
being spanked for a punishment was about six months ago.
When asked if I was going to behave when we went out, I replied
flippantly “maybe”. I was
sternly told to bend over an ottoman to be spanked, “before we go, so perhaps
I’d remember to behave”. It wasn’t necessarily painful,
but it did sting and it wasn’t done in a pleasurable way of any sort.
It was quick, to the point, and I felt very effective. I rubbed my bottom, we
went on our way, and I was well behaved. Perhaps I’m a masochist as I don’t
think there has to be a punishment reason to be flogged or spanked. It’s
generally fun and exciting to me. I enjoy the endorphins and the satisfaction
that I can keep taking what is being done even as it gets more painful.
Being stood in
a corner or in a closet, something I’ve done a few times, I think is a pretty
good punishment. Clothed or nude, made to stand quietly or even in one case
holding a dime against the wall with ones nose. It gives the submissive time to
think about what they’ve done wrong while not physically hurting them in any
way. It verges on humiliation, more of a mental type of discipline, but I think
it works well. Especially for when you don’t really want to loose time
together, 5 – 10 minutes is a quick punishment that can be repeated as needed.
Chores of a
physical variety, I wonder what that could be.
I’ve never been assigned chores to do as a punishment; I just have
enough of them to do that why would I need them? Perhaps it would be an effective punishment. Using a
toothbrush to scrub a floor? I’ve seen that in movies, and as it would be
rather annoying to have to do, I guess it could be effective.
Mental and
emotional punishments probably have the best effect on me. I am very easily
controlled by guilt, a result of a dysfunctional family upbringing. At times
even if someone else isn’t intending to make me feel that way, I’ll start to
feel guilty on my own. I think it leads me to be easily manipulated by others
sometimes, because I feel guilty if I’m not doing all I can to accommodate
their needs or wants.
Withdrawal of
company or pleasure seems to be a real common punishment. I think that it would
probably be very effective for me; I think it’d leave me feeling terribly sad.
Perhaps it makes more sense in a full time relationship, but for online or long
distance it would be rather hard to deal with.
As mentioned previously, standing in the corner or apart from ones
company is a nice punishment that removes the submissive from the active company
of the Dom. I think knowing the dom
is there close by, waiting for the time to be over makes it more effective then
if it was just a punishment of the dom staying away for a day or two. Being
separated also, I think, could lead to a lot of resentment.
I’d probably start doubting that it was just a punishment, and think it
was more of a symbol that the dom didn’t want to be around me - was using it
for an escape or easy way out. When
left to ponder things alone, an upset submissive can start to think up all sorts
of bad thoughts, none of them necessarily true.
Another
punishment, which I think could be effective, is being sent away for enough time
to do a written punishment or something similar.
Especially if the written assignment was about what they’d done wrong,
and ways to improve their behavior in the future. Actually something similar to
this has been used for me in the past, and I came across it while reading today.
As is typical of me, I teased my Master too much, and was sent away for the
night to write an essay about what I’d done.
The
knowledge of knowing when it's appropriate to tease one's Master and when to not
is very important to a sub if they wish to keep their Master happy, and
themselves from being punished. The problem is, sometimes pet is aware of when
it's inappropriate, but looses herself in the fun of teasing and doesn't stop.
Master seems to not mind teasing if he's in a teasing mood. Generally one can
tell this as he will say things teasingly, pokes fun and laugh himself. At that
time, it is ok for pet to tease as well. Still she needs to watch for clues
which alert her that her teasing is getting to be too much for Master. And when
that point comes, she needs to restrain herself and stop, or face the
consequences.
Master definitely doesn't like teasing during a serious conversation. Regardless
of how much pet would like to avoid questions or want to lighten the mood, she
should NOT tease Not only does it show her as being badly behaved, but shows her
lack of respect for the conversation that Master is having with her. It also can
hurt Masters feelings, which pet knows are of the utmost importance to her.
If she cares about Master, then she needs to be more self aware of her actions.
If she wishes to remain a pet, she needs to remember these things, and to be
honored by her position. Master can easily find another pet who will be less
disrespectful.
It
seems a bit naïve when I read it now, but at the time it was my feelings. Did
it change my behavior? Yes, I became more conscious of my Master’s mood and
refrained from teasing him too much. Everyone tolerates teasing to different
degrees, my Master then at first was so unused to the playful and loving teasing
that it would hurt his feelings. As time went by, he began to enjoy it as part
of my personality. I do not think
that personality should be punished out of a
submissive, but discipline to keep it in check if she shows she can’t
would be the right way to deal with it.
While online
relationships are not the same as real life ones, some of the structures can be
the same. One of the most surprising requests I had by an online Master was to
provide him with a list of 10 punishments and rewards.
It’s amusing to read, I have it in an email. When I first started
thinking about that assignment I realized that if I wanted to be dishonest I
could make a list of punishments that wouldn’t really be punishments at all,
but at the same time, I realized that not only would I be dishonest to my master
then, but also to myself. I feel that if I am going to choose to do something
worthy of punishment, that I should learn from it and have it be a reminded to
myself to not repeat the offense.
Perhaps even
more important then what kind of punishment to deal out on a submissive it
should be figured out why the submissive is being disobedient. Is it
intentional? Was it by not trying hard enough?
Was the behavior an obvious statement that they were testing the rules or
that they just do not the respect the rules or the dominant.
If a submissive continues to be actually be unable to live up to the
rules or discipline of the relationship, then the relationship should be
reviewed and discussed. It would seem to me that there is a mismatch of dom and
sub if that were the case, something would need to be changed. If the submissive
was being disobedient purposefully, then that is definitely a problem, and would
make me think that the submissive is probably acting out wanting to end the
relationship all together. Of course it’d be easier to just openly state that,
but sometimes behaviors can stem from our unconscious mind, that’s why they
should be looked at carefully.
Strangely
I feel there is something comforting in discipline, even in punishment, as
it’s deserved. There is a strange
feeling that comes over me, from terrible guilt for having done something to
need to be punished, to a sense of redemption and love after the punishment.
Perhaps it’s like that old mothers comment, “I only do this because I love
you”, only those who truly care would go to so much problem as to discipline
and guide another to do better, and to be their best.
“I think that punishment brings catharsis for a sub. When it's over, and there's forgiveness, it's like a circle is closed. “ ~ Gloria Brahmm
----------------------------
As this essay
is short… you can see that. I’d like to include a portion of an article that
I found very interesting, and this is a wonderful ides. It’s a progressive
punishment, and the whole article can be found at: http://submissive1.homestead.com/discipline.html
and it’s about passive discipline.
----------------------------
If your
relationship is occurring in real life (physically together) one of the most
effective methods of non-attention control is to create a quiet spot. When the
submissive takes actions that 'appear' out of control (they are in truth NOT out
of control) then the submissive should be remanded to the quiet spot. A good
spot is usually the corner of a closet. In addition the Dominant should place
NOTHING in the area of the spot that is of interest EXCEPT an index card that
states openly the various steps of discipline.
1: SILENCE....(length of time <20 minutes>)
(Use a common egg timer that ticks rather loudly)
(upon failure to remain in place and silent EACH step is taken progressively)
2: REMOVAL OF CLOTHING (restart timer)
3: INSERTION OF GAG (restart timer) -
This SHOULD be done with a sub who doesn't like gags.
(REMIND the sub that vocalizing is THEIR choice so control of usage of the gag
is THEIR choice too!)
4: FORMAL KNEEL POSITION (restart timer)
5: KNEEL ON MAT (restart timer)
6: COLLARED, GAGGED, KNEELING - COLLAR BOUND TO WALL (restart timer)
7: BANISHMENT FROM DOM PRESENCE FOR 2 hours
8: BANISHMENT FROM DOM PRESENCE FOR 24 hours
(requirement to spend entire 24 hour period copying by hand on paper (I will NOT
dis-respect my Master) allowing 2 (4 hour sleep periods).
The Dominant should use something like an egg timer and have the submissive sit
facing NOTHING but the list for a pre-determined amount of time (20 minutes).
Of
course like I said earlier, if the submissive ever needs to be punished to the
last option, there is in my opinion, something seriously wrong in the
relationship.
-PIxel 4/14/02